Success...It's All in the Letter P By now we are familiar with Nigel Lythgoe, the British television director and producer, who created such smash hits as Ameri...

Would You Pick You to Be Your Best Friend?

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Original Publication Date:
May 2010

There are many roles we play in life: father or mother, son or daughter, husband or wife, actor, artist, athlete, or dancer. But there is one role that stands out among all roles. Some of us are better at this particular role than others. If they were passing out awards for this role some of us would win Oscars. Just the same, if they were passing out sentences some of us would go directly to jail—and not pass go or collect $200! This is a role that has no special criterion. It knows no boundaries. Race, religion, sex, age, social status or education has no bearing when it comes to this role. Your shape or size or looks don't matter either. All it takes is to be a living, breathing, thinking, and caring human being to play this role. The role I'm talking about is that of a friend. What does it take to be a good friend? Many of us believe that we are. Is that something you can say about yourself? Being a good friend requires a lot more than one might think. Can you look in the mirror and see someone you would pick as a friend staring back?

Pz's Pointers on friendship and being a good friend

1. Be a good listener

You cannot be a good friend to anyone without being a good listener. It isn't possible. Listening is one of my pet peeves. Most individuals are very determined when it comes to being heard but fail miserably when it comes to listening. Friends are there to be open to what each other has to share. Think about how often you are the listener in the conversation. Think about how often you steer the conversation back to you and make it about you instead. Be aware of this behavior and when you see (hear) it happening shut your big trap and become a quiet, attentive friend. Put all thoughts of you out of your head for a moment and focus on what is being said. You'll know it's working if you are able to repeat back to the person the things they just spoke to you. You'd be surprised at how many people are just going through the listening motions and are not engaged in authentic listening. They're waiting to jump in at the first chance because they want to be heard. Friends listen to each other. It's a give and a take proposition.

2. Be a shoulder to cry on

When your friend is hurt they may turn to you to console them and make them feel better. This is the time for you to act only as a sounding board and provide that soft place to fall. No judgment is allowed. It's not for you to stick your opinion in where it doesn't belong. Your job as a friend is to just be there.

3. Lending money can have consequences

The consensus of opinion is the quickest way to damage or destroy a friendship is to loan money. While I agree this holds true in the majority of instances, I do believe you can only loan money to certain friends. You know who they are, so don't act like you don't. I have successfully and would do it again. Some people you must say no to regardless how close your friendship seems to be, but not everybody is a bad risk. I say go with your instinct when it comes to loaning money. Some people are asking for a loan when what they are really asking for is a gift. They know they probably won't be able to pay it back but ask anyway. If you want to give a friend money by all means give it, but call it what it is—a gift not a loan. Don't have a blanket, hard fast rule because there may be that one friendship exception where loaning the money is worth it. If you loan a friend money and get burned, that person has now shown you who they are so you will believe them. Another lesson learned.

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