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With Dating Everything Old is New Again ... Well, Almost
Original Publication Date:
March 2009
Single people number in the millions. Dating is on the rise. With 50% of all first marriages ending in divorce and a dismal 65% of second marriages failing, there are a lot of people that hold a single status. Everyone is searching for that special someone who clicks on many levels. They're trying to find that perfect match—someone with whom they can create a meaningful life. The process isn't easy and you DO have to kiss a lot of frogs while waiting on that prince or princess to finally arrive. Look at Hollywood. Look at the rich and famous. If I list any of those hook-ups by the time this goes to press they'll be in the category of break-ups. But that doesn't mean they don't keep trying. The rest of us regular folks need to keep trying, too.
In the beginning, when you're first starting out it can set the tone for what is to come. Dating deals with matters of the head and the heart. It is no exact science but certain elements endure throughout the years. As far as we've come in so many areas of our existence, the art of dating and finding a partner—with few techno additions—remains the same. The needs of men and women to share their love and their life with another is probably more important now, than at any other time in the history of mankind.
How do they go about making that happen? Some people are looking in the wrong places. Some people are making bad choices over and over and ending up with the same unhappy result. Dating is a ritual, a dance, like playing a game of tennis or chess. There are moves and strategies and decisions and foresight and a bit of patience and luck tossed in. The only difference is, in the end, all you want is for both players to win—no checkmate, but a real, enduring love match.
Pz's Pointers on helping your dating experience
1. To sleep with or not
Sex and intimacy sometimes go hand in hand. Sometimes they don't. You can have one with the other. You can also have one without the other. Seems confusing? Not really. Both can be a beautiful thing depending on what you're hoping to get from your partner and get for yourself. That is where some of us get tripped up. There is never the perfect time to sleep with someone new. There is, however, the perfect time not to sleep with someone new. I have what I call the "not on the first date" rule. Beyond this, if you take it a step further, play it by ear, and give it some time, you may wait a while longer before you have sex with a potential partner. It's the waiting part to this rule that applies to men as well as women. This might sound old fashioned and not particularly popular on the face of it. Even if the chemistry is undeniable and you're sure you have fallen madly in love, waiting to have sex will be worth it. I have a friend who totally disagrees with my philosophy. She feels sleeping with a guy right off the bat lets her know if she wants to get to know him at all. Her thinking goes like this, "What's the point in going any further if the sex isn't good? I want to know up front so I don't waste my time." My thinking goes like this, "What's the point in having sex with a person I don't even know and who may not be for me? I want to know someone better before I waste my time." Indiscriminate sex is easy. Anyone can do it. It doesn't take much thought and absolutely no investment on either end from either participant. It's the whole immediate gratification thing—something we've gotten pretty good at in this society. Intimacy isn't so easy. It requires both parties to have some sense of each other and can be a far more rewarding payoff. So, what's the hurry? A little patience, a little mystery, and a little romance can take you from dating to forming a truly loving, lasting relationship.
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