Success...It's All in the Letter P By now we are familiar with Nigel Lythgoe, the British television director and producer, who created such smash hits as Ameri...

Why Do Married Men Think We Want Them?

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Original Publication Date:
June 2007

8. Don't Make Excuses

Today I had my truck serviced at my regular auto shop. The manager reads my columns. As I was leaving he came up to the window and told me my next book needs to be exclusively about men. He said I should cover all the reasons why men do what they do and why they are justified in doing so. He was making excuses—lots of excuses. Please, don't give me lame excuses about why a married guy looks outside his marriage, to a single gal, for stimulation and gratification. Please don't give me the song and dance about how he isn't getting what he needs at home and he isn't getting the attention he requires and he's bored or unsatisfied and the marriage has lost its luster. Please don't tell me how much he loves his wife and doesn't want to leave her, but he wants some excitement to make him feel special and it's only meaningless sex—like a given—and nobody gets hurt in the process. That is all a load of claptrap. Of course, people can be hurt. This behavior can have consequences. If you love your wife that much, you wouldn't run the risk of hurting or losing her over selfish, indiscriminate sex. Men can act like little boys and want it both ways. That's not an excuse, just a fact. Maybe I'll take his advice and write that book.

9. Married women do their fair share of fooling around

Didn't want to get mail from readers thinking I've been one-sided here and left out the cheating women. Seems one of the statistics that can be quantified, and on the rise, is the numbers of married women looking outside their marriage for sex. Still, it remains mostly a male phenomenon. When it comes to cheatin,' Men Rule! The reasons women stray in greater numbers than in the past are more complicated, but I thought I'd give them a dishonorable mention and reserve that topic for another time and another day.

10. Let 'em chase you

Men are hunters and gatherers—like when cavemen roamed the earth. They like to pursue their prey and thrive on the challenge. (Me Tarzan, you Jane.) Even in today's more sophisticated society some things remain the same. The whole idea of the chase is one that can be stimulating and alluring as men and women choreograph their dance of love and romance. It can be wild and inviting and fun. Fun is good. We all need fun in our lives. Married men have already caught their wives—so to speak—and the thrills associated with that conquest are mostly faded and distant memories. The once spicy samba looks more like a bland and boring two step. Yet, those innate adventurous tendencies that have lain dormant are now manifest in the direction of these single gals. Everybody wants to be wanted. The chase can be a good thing. It just depends on who is doing the chasing. Married men would be wiser if they made better attempts at revitalizing their marriage. They might find their wives would be ecstatic to feel they were being actively pursued by their husbands all over again. Can you imagine what positive energy they could infuse into the relationship? Hope abounds.

To that extent women of substance want more. Women who value their bodies want more. Women who know who they are don't want someone else's husband—if only for a night. Even if he's hot. Even if he's rich. Even if he's charming. Even if he's sexy. Even if they are lonely. Even if they are tempted. Even if they can. Even if . . . it doesn't matter what he is. It doesn't matter what the circumstance . . . he's still someone else's husband.

So, no Mr. Married man—single ladies don't want you. They want a man who will be there beyond the sex. They want a man they can call their very own. They want a man who they can trust to be with THEM on a Friday night and not out in the bar trying to hit on other single gals. Single women want a man just like them—single, too.

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