the other woman in the foreground sad at the happy couple behind her

When a Married Man Cheats, is it with You?

You know the names by now: John Edwards, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, David Letterman, Mark Sanford, and Tiki Barber—just ...

Why can't I get rid of her?

from Pz's Problem Solver

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man at desk frustrated on the phone

Dear Pz,
After a bad weekend I decided to take the risk and ask your opinion. I started dating a girl after we met at a holiday party of a mutual friend. At first I thought she was someone I could have a relationship with, but I soon lost interest. Problem is I can't get rid of her. I admit I slept with the girl on many occasions and probably led her on in the beginning. Eventually, I would only see her when I had nothing better to do and only for sex. I know that sounds lame, but at least I'm telling it like it is She doesn't get that I don't feel the same about her. I've tried to let her down easy, but she's not getting my message. She is calling my friends, asking questions, showing up uninvited where she knows I'll be, and acting like we are a couple. It's stressing me out. I don't want to be mean or hurt her, but I don't know the best way to end this for good. Can you give me some advice as I could sure use some? I really am a good guy even though this isn't coming out that way. Thanks for the help.

A good guy at heart

Dear Good Guy,
Your first mistake is assuming this woman could possibly view sex and the relationship, or lack thereof, the same as you. Silly boy. Haven't you figured out that for most women having sex equals a relationship? Sure, there are some who have adopted your casual, whatever, uncommitted, male mentality, but this woman is not one of them. You blame her for not getting the message, yet you continue to engage in sex, sending a completely different signal. Gee, I can't imagine why she would be confused. She is behaving like you two are a couple because you have misled her. You have no one to blame but yourself. Do her a big favor by not calling anymore to hook-up, bored as you might be, that would be a start. I realize how hard a sacrifice it is for you to resist the urge, since she has made herself so available. But see what you can manage. If you are the good guy you profess to be, then act like it and give a chance to move on. After all, she deserves someone who cares about her in ways to obviously can't. Using her for sex IS "lame" and unfair. Put someone else's needs ahead of your own for a change. In the future, if you are looking to only have sex, be clearer up front, earlier on, and perhaps you will attract women who are as selfish and shallow as you.

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