Success...It's All in the Letter P By now we are familiar with Nigel Lythgoe, the British television director and producer, who created such smash hits as Ameri...

When a Married Man Cheats, is it with You?

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Original Publication Date:
May 2010

6. For a couple of minutes of unearned fame

Often it isn't about anything to do with love. It's about what the woman can do to position herself for the fame of the fallout once the veils drop—and eventually they do! These women haven't done anything of particular interest or accomplishment on their own—beyond providing various sexual services—so once the party train is derailed they ride the famous guy's coattails into the annuals of notoriety. Unfortunately, our society has a horrible habit of rewarding people who haven't done anything worthy of being rewarded. Take the woman behind the fall of New York Governor Elliot Spitzer. The former escort, call-girl, mistress, or however you care to refer to her, Ashley Dupre, is now writing an advice column for the New York Post on love, sex, and fidelity. She has a spread in Playboy and is making the circuit appearing on shows like The View espousing her views and advice. As long as women like Ashley are rewarded for bad behavior with deals and money and jobs that legitimize her, it makes it all the more hard for women who do the right thing and have real and honest expertise to be heard. As long as other women support women like her, we'll keep getting more of the same.

7. It's not what he says it's what you do

If doesn't matter what he says. It doesn't matter if he's telling you his marriage is over or his wife doesn't understand him or she doesn't meet his needs or he doesn't love her anymore. It doesn't matter what he says to you to convince you that you're the one—for the moment or the night or tomorrow or forever. A guy will tell you (or text you) whatever he thinks he needs to say to get what he wants from you. It just doesn't matter what he says. All that matters is what you do. If you are that woman who says yes and knowingly sleeps with the married man, then you're going to be taken in by his hollow and disingenuous words. You're going to start something foolishly and selfishly. It may end badly and hurt people who don't deserve to be hurt. But, if you are that woman who values herself, who deserves nothing but the best in life, who has compassion for others, and who knows doing the right thing isn't always easy but necessary, then, you'll have the strength to say no thanks to Mr. Married Cheater.

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