Are You a Crab in the Pot or Decidedly Not? We'll call her Noelle. She wasn't beautiful in a traditional sense, but she had a look and sensuality that couldn't be denied...

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Original Publication Date:
December 2009

5. Be more discriminating when saying yes or no

One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is the power that exists in saying yes or no. I've been a yes person most of my life. That means I have a history of saying yes to others first and yes to me as an afterthought. Saying no isn't easy. Saying no can cause upset feelings. Saying no isn't always popular. Saying no is uncomfortable. It can make the person you're saying no to angry or disappointed. Saying yes to you first helps put the focus where it belongs and on the decisions that affect you the most. You can be of greater value to others when you value yourself. You have more to offer when you're operating at your optimum potential. Learn when to say yes. Learn when to say no. Be wise about those choices.

6. Shake it up

Sometimes you have to throw life a curve ball. Maybe you get a tattoo. (Although, I don't have any—yet—I sort of love them done with artistic grace.) Maybe you cut your hair or shave your head! (Mia Michaels did it and she looks great.) Maybe you take a trip to the mountains or the ocean or the city or the country—alone. Maybe you walk around the fountain the other way. Try something that can get you excited or give you another view of the world. Don't worry about what others think. Don't care either. Do it for you. It doesn't have to be wild and crazy, but it can be. We make better decisions when we're uncluttered and spontaneous in our thinking. Step out of the mundane and make some magic. Have some fun. It will spill over into the rest of your life.

7. Others will treat us the way we allow them

If a person knows she can come to you time and again for money and never pay it back what does that say about her? What does that say about you? People will take advantage of your good nature or generous spirit if you let them. When you are used or taken for granted you are not receiving the respect you deserve. If you let a person beat you—physically or emotionally—they will come to expect that they can. If you allow a partner to lie and cheat and accept their behavior out of fear of losing them, you have an even bigger problem on your hands. You have lost yourself. Start by deciding you're ready and no longer willing to stay where you are. Start by deciding you are ready to expect others to treat you like you treat them—with dignity, love, and respect.

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