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How can my husband be a crossdresser?

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Dear Pz,
My husband and I were channel surfing and came across a program about men who are cross-dressers. It seemed interesting so I stopped to watch. He didn't want to, but he went along. Soon I could see he was very uncomfortable. I thought it was just a topic that offended him. Towards the end of the program he broke down crying saying he had been doing it for years and couldn't tell me. In his business he spends most of his time on the road. He actually goes out dressed as a woman in other cities where nobody knows us. I am in shock and mortified. I can't believe he has been able to hide this double life for the 8 years of our marriage. We have a young son. I don't know how this will affect him. My husband says he is not being sexual with anyone and he isn't gay. He feels driven to do it and says it is who he is underneath...it's been a deep dark secret. I don't know how to react, changes everything and I'm afraid it may end the marriage. Please help!
Still Shocked in Seminole

Dear Still Shocked,
There is much speculation on why men cross-dress. No one knows for certain. Some cite hormonal or genetic factors while others cite environmental causes. Crossdressing (CD) dates back thousands of years. The vast majority are heterosexual and come from all walks of life. One theory is that CD is dysfunctional and aberrant. Then, there is the view that cross-dressers are ordinary men who have discovered a feminine aspect to their personalities and desire to transcend the narrow stereotypes mandated by conventional society. Having said that, this is happening in your life and you didn't sign on to be the wife of a crossdresser when you married. While your husband has been living in this world of shame, secrecy and lies, he has also betrayed you in the process. It is no wonder you are reacting in such a conflicted manner. Before you make any drastic decisions, you should seek out a qualified therapist specific to this field for some impartial answers. Partners often blame themselves and believe they have done something to create the problem. You are moving into some unfamiliar territory and will feel very alone. Society is not yet that enlightened to be able to help carry the load of your burden and acceptance is far from complete. For some, it is said, a life without CD is likened to a musician forced to live without music. Unless the two of you can work toward compromise and understanding out of love for each other and for your son, your marriage may not survive.

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