Success...It's All in the Letter P By now we are familiar with Nigel Lythgoe, the British television director and producer, who created such smash hits as Ameri...

Celebrating July with an Independent Woman

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Original Publication Date:
July 2009

On the 4th of July we, as a country, celebrate our independence. We've come a long way since the time when King George III and the Brits called the shots and ran the show. Over the years since that declaration, we have come to expand and grow and call our own shots and run our own show. The concept of independence is an extraordinary one. Independence begins on an individual level. It starts with us. In pondering the concept, I've decided to declare the month of July independence month. I'm going to designate the entire month be dedicated to understanding and appreciating the importance of independence and the crucial role it plays in our relationships as a whole.

The fact that our society has changed and relationships aren't structured the same as they were for our parents can often leave us confused. Relationships are now failing at an alarming rate and with so many singles still searching for lasting love it's necessary to try and figure out what's going wrong so we can help fix it. Often we find ourselves single and extremely independent one minute, then, we commit to a relationship and everything changes. That once independent person fades from sight and slowly but surely is altered or dwarfed into the person our partner wants us to be. Sound familiar?

The trouble is we're not sure how to go about making a relationship work in a modern, changing world. We want to do better we just don't know what to do. I wanted to find someone who is happily and successfully practicing the philosophy I espouse. They had to be someone who is walking the walk. They had to be someone who can articulate what's working for them and why.

In presenting real, practical ways to be independent while being committed to a partner, I didn't have far to look for this shining example. Melissa McAvoy is that person. By day, she's a Senior Web Developer for a top government agency in Atlanta. As a sideline, she devotes her time as my key web designer and manager with an emphasis on marketing and social networking. She's 26, beautiful, intelligent, professional, in a loving relationship with her man, Shawn, and she's independent. Yes, that's right. I said independent. How, you ask, does she pull that off? Believe it or not, it might sound easy, but it takes a little doing.

Melissa represents the example I want to share with you. She could BE you. She's already been in one committed relationship where she gave herself and her love away at the expense of losing herself. She's now in a relationship of a different sort where her commitment doesn't require going down that tired, old road. It's one that allows her to take time for and nurture the most important person in that relationship, and that is her. She's taken both paths and been in both types of commitments. How did she arrive at the place she is now? What specific things does she do to make it work for her and her partner? What can we learn from her journey? I wanted to take a closer look.

In my conversation with Melissa we covered all these bases and more. Here are the highlights of that conversation, and, hopefully, you'll come away with some pointers on independence you can begin to apply to your own life and relationships in the month of July and from here forward...

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