|
Success...It's All in the Letter P By now we are familiar with Nigel Lythgoe, the British television director and producer, who created such smash hits as Ameri... |
Recent Columns
Are You Sleeping with a Stranger?
Original Publication Date:
November 2008
I just got off the phone with a business associate. Her husband died suddenly and unexpectedly a little over a week ago. She is still reeling from the event. We'll call her Sally. We'll call him Harry.
Harry was Sally's second husband and almost 20 years her senior. She says she married him more for status and security, less for love—second marriages are often based on a different set of variables. Although not mega-rich, Harry was a highly successful and accomplished businessman and one of those "pillars of the community." Sally had a so-so career that she worked at here and there but nothing that was going to sustain her in any real financially secure state. She needed Harry for that. Their marriage, while far from perfect, gave her the sense she was at least getting what she signed on for, and that was a stable relationship with someone she knew and trusted. Money would never be an object and she was willing to make the tradeoffs in the areas that were somewhat lacking. She felt "set for life," and if something were to ever happen to Harry, well, she'd be taken care of and be just fine. After all, she was doing her part and assumed his assets were her assets. That's the impression he gave. Sometimes, though, things are not what they seem. Sometimes, people are not who they appear.
While Sally is sad at losing Harry, she is also mad—really mad. It seems that Harry had done many things behind her back and without her knowledge or approval. No, Harry wasn't having an affair—not that she's aware. Harry was, however, doing questionable financial deals, spending wildly, and using poor judgment with investments which resulted in massive liability and major debt at the time of his death. He also made sweeping changes to his will which left Sally in competition with a hostile stepson for an estate that turns out is virtually worthless. All in all, it's bad for Sally—mind-boggling bad.
As she painstakingly walked me through the surprising and convoluted details she paused and softly stated, "Pz, I thought I knew him. I guess I didn't know him at all. Who in the world have I been sleeping with anyway? I feel like I've been sleeping with a stranger, that my husband was a total stranger." This revelation made the sadness of his death take a back seat to the reality Sally now faces. It's hard to grieve when you see your world crumbling around you. It's hard to miss a husband who apparently didn't live up to his end of the bargain. She feels betrayed and scared and a little foolish. The life she thought she had was anything but. Had Harry lived she's not sure how things would have unfolded. Harry is dead and the deception is no longer hidden. Now she can only wonder.
Sally will find a way to get through this crisis. And in doing so, she'll have learned some valuable lessons for the rest of her journey. For that she should thank Harry and be grateful. Perhaps we can all learn lessons from Harry and Sally. How about your partner? How well do you know them— genuinely know them? Are you living a life of goodness and gratitude and getting that in return, or are you, too, sleeping with a stranger?
Reader Comments
Tell Pz what you think on Twitter @pzpower!
Be the first to write a comment!
