Are You a Crab in the Pot or Decidedly Not?

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Original Publication Date:
July 2010

We'll call her Noelle. She wasn't beautiful in a traditional sense, but she had a look and sensuality that couldn't be denied. She stood out from the crowd. It was a combination of the body and the moves and those stunning costumes. This made her one of the top draws at the club. This also made it hard for her to quit a profession that had taken her down a long, dark road.

Her drug habit wasn't cheap, and she had found a way to hide her tracks and still maintain somewhat high standards—for as much as they existed. She was what we referred to as a 'functioning addict'. When she started seeing me she wanted to get clean, get out of the business, and start a new life. It wouldn't be easy, and I knew when I took her case there was a lot of hard work ahead with little guarantee of a fairy-tale ending on the other side. I mention Noelle now because of an incident that happened to her during our time in counseling that resonates to this day.

As is true of most exotic dancers, they bounce around from club to club. Noelle was always looking for a place with just a slightly better class of customer where she could feel more like an entertainer than a stripper. She never danced in a joint where there was total nudity because she saw that as demeaning and a waste of her skills as a burlesque-type performer.

Along the way, she had met a wealthy older gentleman, Joe, who became her fan and her friend. He had custom costumes made for her that put all of the other girls' garish get-ups to shame. He also paid for and brought her to our counseling sessions—always patiently waiting in the lobby—hoping she would eventually decide to walk away from her life as a dancer and perhaps go to school and take on a career.

On this one particular afternoon, she came in very agitated and upset. It seems she had gone to work the night before and found her costumes had been destroyed. They had been locked up securely, or so she thought, and when she arrived her locker had been jimmied open and every outfit had been cut with scissors to shreds. Noelle was a pretty tough cookie and not much rattled her, but through the anger I could sense her sadness as she tearfully relayed the story.

"The girls cut up my costumes. They did it on purpose. Not all of them were in on it, but I think I know who is behind it. Why would they do such a thing? Who does mean s_ _t like that? I'm always so nice to everybody. I share my make-up and give them tips with their routine. I've given lots of them money when they are short and I try to look out for the girls who are a little naïve to the game. I kind of thought we were all in this together. I feel so bad. Joe paid so much to have the outfits designed especially for me. He said it doesn't matter and we can get more if I want, but it just doesn't make any sense. Can you tell me what I did to deserve this?"

What Noelle experienced is being played out over and over. I hear about examples all the time. They might not be carried out in the exact manner as the shredding of the costumes, but the end result is the same. You see, what happened to Noelle was the crabs in the pot syndrome. Instead of everyone supporting everyone, they chose to try and bring Noelle back down in the pot with them. She had stepped over all of them and was getting too close to the top of the pot for her own good. She was getting too much attention, making too much money, and was moving too far out in front of the cast.

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